Bloom Into You

You’re late getting the kids to school.  They overslept (or was it you?).  Their lunches aren’t made and their homework is scattered around the house.  You get them dressed (was that shirt clean or dirty, you really aren’t sure), pray all their school work made it into the right backpack and jump in the car.  You have five minutes to spare when you realize you have no cash to give them for lunch money.  Like a mad woman, you head for the nearest grocery store to pick up some Lunchables… oh, and breakfast!  A doughnut will do, right?  You’re less than two feet out of your driveway when the gas light comes on.

This was all too familiar at our house and we only live five minutes from school!  Trust me, the story I just told you is nothing compared to some of the crazy mornings we’ve had.  I tried all sorts of different tips and techniques friends and other mothers willingly offered me…and I could pull just about anything off once or twice, but getting new patterns down consistently was another story.  I realized it would take more than just the “idea” of better organizing our time.  It would mean re-training the entire family; myself included.  Following is a list of steps I take to make our mornings run more smoothly.

Step One: Do as much as you can the night before.

I know this may sound like a “Duh, yeah, OK” statement, but this was harder than I thought to master.  I’d catch myself in traps like “It will only take 5 minutes to make lunches in the morning.” Or, “It doesn’t matter if the kids lay out clothes the night before, because they will change their mind in the morning, anyway.” What I learned was: it always takes more than five minutes to make a lunch, and even if the kids change an outfit two times, if they are the ones to pick out their clothes the night before, they will most likely want to wear the outfit the next day.  You may be tired and ready for bed, but by making preparations at night, you free time up for last minute morning mishaps like “I can’t find my other shoe,”, “The rubber band is stuck in my hair”, and “Honey, I need help tying my tie!” The bottom line is this:  something unexpected will happen every morning.  If you do what you can the night before, you will have time to deal with the unexpected.

Step Two: Think with the whole week in mind.

Along with doing as much as you can the night before, be mindful of the in-school activities your children have for the week.  If PE is on Tuesday be sure PE shoes go into the schoolbag on Monday.  If Library is Thursday, check Wednesday to be sure the library books are ready to return to school.  So many times I took my daughter’s word for what she had going on at school that day, and it often led to her coming home in tears saying she had the wrong shoes for PE or couldn’t check out any library books because she forgot to turn hers in.  Most elementary school teachers send home a calendar at the beginning of the week/month outlining these things, so use it!  Don’t lose it.

Step Three: Get the kids involved.

It seems I’m always behind the curve when it comes to handing out appropriate responsibility to my daughter.  I thought I was doing great when at seven years old she was making her own bed, only to learn that one of my friend’s sons at age seven was helping to do his own laundry!  It is important to give your kids some concrete tasks to help with when it comes to getting ready for school.  I find that the more I trust my daughter to do, the more she wants to do, and the more she wants to do, the more she impresses me with what she can handle.  It’s when I have unclear expectations of her that she gets lost and has to guess what I want her to do or not to do, and fighting always follows.  You can’t win if you don’t know what’s expected of you.  So be clear and keep it simple.  Maybe every Sunday the whole family helps prepare snacks for the school week, and veggies and fruits for lunches. Have a space where every day after school, the kids can put their notebook and lunch box so it’s there ready for you.  In the morning, whose job is it to take the dog out?  Who helps with breakfast? Make decisions and have a chart so everyone knows who’s on what duty for the day.

Step Four: Be consistent.

It’s understandable that changes like this will take some time to implement fully.  You’ll probably never have a perfect week, and there will be days when no matter what you do, your entire system will fail you.  It’s OK.  Prepare for that.  It’s going to happen!  But, the more consistent you are in developing these tools and systems, the better off you will be.  If you succeed two days in a row and take the third day off, what do you suppose will happen on the fourth day? Things will go right back to the way they were, and it will be that much harder when you try again the next day.  Lead by example.  If you stick to it, the kids will stick to it.  If you get frustrated and call the whole thing a loss, so will the kids.  Even if you feel like ripping your hair out, do whatever you can to keep a calm exterior and stick with the routine.  It will take some time, but you will get there!

Step Five: Enjoy!

Once you start getting the hang of this, celebrate!  Even little milestones deserve recognition and praise.  Try to compliment your kids every morning on the things they are doing well;  don’t dwell on areas they may fall short.  By pointing out the positives rather than the negatives,  you are giving them confidence and making them feel good about themselves.  Rather than feeling like they are failing, your praises help them feel they are succeeding.  So even when things aren’t going exactly as you planned, find the good in the situation and speak it. Remember, changes like this aren’t easy and you’ve come a long way, too.  So, give yourself a pat on the back and enjoy your new found mornings!

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